He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize