Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
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I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
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He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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