I was born with a shot glass in my hand
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize