a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize