we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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