thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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