i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize