Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
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