Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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