i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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