her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
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