I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We just shotgunned beers for America
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He shit in the fireplace
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