Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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