I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
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Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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