I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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