I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
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Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
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Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Bring me that man meat
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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