Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Michael Bay diarrhea
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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