The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize