Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
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An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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