I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize