i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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