She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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