I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i want to swaddle you in tequila
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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