It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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