yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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