You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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