Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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