ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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