Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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