Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize