I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Do you have feelings for this penis?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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