We won't sleep together?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
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Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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