Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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