I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize