____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i came on her dog
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
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