I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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