I CAN MOONWALK!
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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