Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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