he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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