all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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