Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
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We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
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i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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