i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
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My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
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Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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