Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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