thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
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There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
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Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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