I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize