new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
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I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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