She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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