I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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