I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
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He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
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Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
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