The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
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look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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